Teaching in the Home
as taught in the April 2010 General Conference
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

The comments in italics are strictly my own and are intended to invite thought and discussion.
Please send your comments to Joyce Kinmont, joyce@ldshea.org

Elder Perry seemed to be the flagship speaker for the teaching theme, so we will start with his address and comment on how we might apply what he taught. He gave us six principles and several practices, and he gave us a core directive: "Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time."

I recently had the opportunity to travel with Elder Donald L. Hallstrom to visit five cities in the great central area of the United States. In each city we visited, we would hold a meeting with the full-time missionaries, followed by a meeting with the stake and ward leaders regarding missionary work. Between each of the two meetings, the stake Relief Society would prepare a light dinner for us to afford us time to meet with the stake presidents. When we reached Milwaukee, Wisconsin, two young families appealed to the Relief Society to let them prepare and serve the dinner. The two husbands manned the kitchen. The two mothers supervised the table arrangements and the serving of the food. Three young children handled the table setting and the serving of the food under the supervision of their mothers. This was an opportunity for the mothers to have a teaching opportunity with their children. It was very special to watch the children respond to every detail as they were taught by their mothers. They carried out their assignments completely and fully.

Elder Perry begins with a story. We can almost see him -- first standing at the door of the recreation hall watching two mothers teaching their children to set the tables, then seated and being served by the children. The interaction between the mothers and their children was a sacred moment to him.

The experience caused me to reflect on the training I had received from my mother. Like the prophet Nephi and also like so many of you, I was born of goodly parents (see 1 Nephi 1:1).

Now we know why the experience was "very special" - he had a teaching mother.

One of my nieces recently shared with me four notebooks my mother had filled with notes as she prepared to teach her class in Relief Society. I would imagine these notebooks-and there are others I have not yet examined-represent hundreds of hours of preparation by my mother.

Mother was a great teacher who was diligent and thorough in her preparation. I have distinct memories of the days preceding her lessons. The dining room table would be covered with reference materials and the notes she was preparing for her lesson. There was so much material prepared that I'm sure only a small portion of it was ever used during the class, but I'm just as sure that none of her preparation was ever wasted. How can I be sure about this? As I flipped through the pages of her notebooks, it was as if I were hearing my mother teach me one more time. Again, there was too much in her notebooks on any single topic to ever share in a single class session, but what she didn't use in her class she used to teach her children.

Elder Perry was born in August of 1922. His elementary years occurred before tv, transistor radios, and tape recorders, even before malls and fast foods. In other words, there was little to distract a mom's mind during the day while her children were gone to school. Mother Perry was an intelligent woman who loved to study.

For Elder Perry, the mental picture of the dining room table as a place of study has become a symbol his mother; we can feel the bond it has created. I've heard the dinner table referred to as an altar of sorts. Then why not the study table an altar as well?

I believe it is even safe to say that while my mother was an enormously effective teacher among the sisters at Relief Society, her best teaching occurred with her children in the home. Of course, this was largely due to the greater amount of time she had to teach her children compared to teaching the Relief Society sisters, but I also like to think she prepared so thoroughly, first, to be an example to her children of diligent Church service and, second, because she recognized that what she learned from preparing her lessons could be used repeatedly for a higher purpose-teaching her sons and her daughters.

Since Elder Perry had spoken of "the days preceding her lessons" as her times of intense study, we might assume she taught monthly and that she did so for years. She studied the hard way - with paper and pencil, Today we can study faster, if that matters, but our struggle is for time and we compete with texting and ipods. Most parents also compete with a school system that sees itself and the primary parent and extends its reach into the evening hours.

Teaching is a natural activity for parents; by design or default, and to a large extent, our children will be what we make of ourselves and of them. Life itself is a school, and parenting is one of the courses. Parents should embrace the classwork and not casually hand it off to someone else.

It is interesting to compare the mindsets of mothers of past eras. It would seem that the mothers of George Washington, Joseph Smith, and Abraham Lincoln were self-reliant in education in that they did the job themselves and/or chose outside teachers.

Please allow me to reminisce for a few moments and share a few of the lessons I learned from my mother about teaching the gospel in the home. My mother understood the value of teaching her children about standards, values, and doctrine while they were young. While she was grateful to others who taught her children outside the home at either school or church, she recognized that parents are entrusted with the education of their children and, ultimately, parents must ensure that their children are being taught what their Heavenly Father would have them learn. My siblings and I were quizzed very carefully by our mother after we had been taught away from the home to be certain the correct lessons were reaching our ears and shaping our minds.

This is really very tender to him. I hope my children remember me like that!

Here are some principles:

1. Children should be taught standards, values, and doctrine when young. Why when young? Are standards, values, and doctrine a foundation for future learning? Why do we push young children into academic educations?

2. Parents are responsible for the education of their children. Mother Perry's best teaching efforts went to her children, and her efforts didn't stop, but probably intensified, when the children turned school age. She was comfortable in her teaching role, not expecting to turn the job over to the Sunday School and Primary. We need to examine our own deep core values - when we want our children to learn the gospel, or when a child is in trouble, do we look first to the Church or the government, or do we start with our own solutions? This examination requires some deep introspection.

3. Children must be taught what Heavenly Father wants them to be taught. That is the stewardship principle: a steward acts for the Master and does what he would do if he were present. There is a church film for classroom use that shows a steward taking a Jewish child to his tutor. The steward was responsible for the implementation of the youth's the education, as the master has directed. We have been culturally conditioned to a curriculum devised by men; how do we learn to let go of our fear of man in favor of fear (respect) for God? Practically speaking, how much more freedom do we have to direct the curriculum of our young children over those close to entering college? How will Church colleges, who still have to prepare students for the world of work as it is, be changing their curriculum on the road to Zion?

Here is a practice: Mother Perry quizzed her children to assure that they had learned what they had been taught. Today, parents should quiz their children to assure that many lessons taught away from home are not learned! The practice of repairing the damage in the after school hours is taught by President Kimball in the manual Teaching, No Greater Call, p. 6.

I used to think some days as I ran home from school that I was through learning for the day, but this illusion was quickly destroyed when I saw my mother standing at the door waiting for me. When we were young, we each had a desk in the kitchen where we could continue to be taught by her as she performed household duties and prepared supper. She was a natural teacher and far more demanding of us than our teachers at school and church.

Sounds like maybe young Tom didn't always like going home from school to do more school. At the time he may not have appreciated his mother; he certainly does now. The bigger question is, How did Mother Perry manage to get her children to sit at those school desks? And the even bigger question is, Where should we draw the line between "force" and "invite" in teaching our children? My own mistakes in this area cost me much, and I see other homeschoolers making the same mistakes. I corrected myself by reading the last page of Section 121 every week after I took the sacrament.

The scope of Mother's teaching included both secular and spiritual lessons. She made sure none of us were falling behind in our schoolwork, which she would often supplement. She also would practice her Relief Society lessons with us. We, of course, received the unabridged versions found in her notebooks, not the abridged versions that had to fit in a single class period.

Teaching, supplementing, and reinforcing is much easier than identifying incorrect learning and reteaching truths. Today's parents have a much more difficult challenge. First they have to correct their own deficient education, then their children's. This is where homeschool helps - it's much more efficient for families to learn truth together in the first place.

Part of our learning at home also involved memorizing scriptures, including the Articles of Faith, and the words of prophets, seers, and revelators. My mother was someone who believed a mind would become weak if it was not constantly exercised. She taught us as we would wash the dishes, churn the butter, and help in many other ways. She did not believe in letting idle thoughts enter her children's minds, even when they were engaged in physical labor.

Don't you love this lady! She would not have put up with idle texting and ipod games.

5. Another principle: Minds become weak when not properly exercised. Children seem to have an easy time memorizing; we shouldn't waste that window of opportunity. In our home it was our practice to use lots of poetry, which was great fun. I still make poetry notebooks for our grandchildren.

I am not using my mother as a role model for parents in today's world. Times are very different today, but while times may change, a parent's teaching must never be devalued. Many activities link the values of one generation to the next, but perhaps the most central of these activities is parents teaching children in the home. This is especially true when we consider the teaching of values, moral and ethical standards, and faith.

Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today's world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to "train up a child in the way he [or she] should go" (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father's children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory-"to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). On God's eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children's lives. Fortunately, there are understudies involved in the production who may step in when parents can't. It, however, is parents who have been commanded by the Lord to bring up their children in light and truth (see D&C 93:40).

Picture it from Heavenly Father's point of view. He sends a beloved son or daughter to earth and entrusts him to our care. Then He watches to see what we do. He must feel great concern for the happiness and safety of that child. Will we care for him as He would? Will we follow the Plan? Will we stay on course? It is a very sacred responsibility.

When Elder Perry says, "Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today's world," is he asking only for more gospel study at home, or is he hoping we will do even more? He didn't say. Neither did President Kimball, in his statement in Teaching, No Greater Call,say whether the parents in communist countries went beyond the gospel manuals. I guess we'll have to listen to the Holy Ghost on that one.

Prophets teach principles, such as "Teach your children light and truth." Educational practices are left to the families, which is probably why prophets don't talk about homeschooling -- that and the fact that it is still sometimes controversial. Elder Perry did tell us that his mother supplemented his school subjects, so I think we can assume that he wouldn't be opposed to our doing that. I can also report that homeschoolers felt greatly validated by this address and the whole of the general conference -- which shows a yearning and a prompting to move from "classroom school at home" to "religious education," a mindset which will improve our outcomes and make homeschooling more attractive.

Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time. They know that the influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world. The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity, and their peace all find common roots in the teaching of children in the home.

Here are our marching orders, our daily core. Prayer bonds the family. Music brings the spirit. The Book of Mormon is the best book for improving reading ability. The family meal encourages families to talk together by anchoring them to the dinner table. Homeschoolers are going to have many books and their children will have their own choices, but one family read-aloud book is the necessity. Families who teach their children after school and weekends can do this. We don't know what age groups Elder Perry had in mind, but many families keep right on reading as their children grow older. In the play "I Remember Mama," there was a family boarder who paid his rent by reading to the family in the evenings.

Family strength does affect the society, and you can teach this visually for a family night lesson. On one paper draw or insert clip art of a dozen or so homes, most of them happy looking and a few sad ones. Then prepare another page with mostly sad homes and a few happy ones. In the first "town" each strong family contributes just a little of their time and resources to helping the weak ones. The burden is reasonable. In the second neighborhood, where the community is more immoral and more unbalanced, are there sufficient resources to help the weak? Where do we find the policemen and the school teachers and the doctors? This can lead to many discussions. Here is some clip art I have used:

Elder Joseph Fielding Smith taught: "It is the duty of parents to teach their children these saving principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, so that they will know why they are to be baptized and that they may be impressed in their hearts with a desire to continue to keep the commandments of God after they are baptized, that they may come back into his presence. Do you, my good brethren and sisters, want your families, your children; do you want to be sealed to your fathers and your mothers before you . . . ? If so, then you must begin by teaching at the cradle-side. You are to teach by example as well as precept" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1948, 153).

Have you noticed how often our prophets and apostles call upon second witnesses, especially when they speak on controversial subjects?

The example of my mother as a teacher in the home invites another thought, more generally about teaching. The leaders of the Church spend a great deal of time thinking about how to improve teaching in the Church. Why do we invest this time and effort? It is because we believe in the immense power of teaching to increase the faith of individuals and strengthen families. It is my belief that one of the most effective things we can do to improve teaching in the Church is to improve teaching in our homes. Our teaching in the home prepares us to teach more effectively at church, and our teaching at church helps us to teach more effectively at home. Throughout the Church there are dining room tables covered with reference materials and notebooks filled with ideas for lessons to be taught. There is no such thing as overpreparing to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ, for gospel insights, whether or not they are used during class time, can always be taught in the home.

By the end of this conference, I felt the almost desperate concern our leaders have for our youth, who are falling away in droves. The Lord, through His church, is doing everything in His power to save our families. We must do our part and do it well.

The inspired document "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" states:

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. 'Children are an heritage of the Lord' (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live...

"...By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners" (Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

Here Elder Perry calls on modern scripture as a third witness.

I see the roles of husband and wife as two overlapping circles, something like this:

I don't know how much the circles should overlap, but probably more than I've drawn them. "Partnership" does not necessarily mean each parent does the same thing. Father works, but mother manages the home in a provident and frugal way. Mother teaches the most, but father teaches as well and may also preside by meeting with each child, maybe weekly, to privately and kindly discuss what is being learned. (There is another principle here which we might call "The Principle of the Outside Focus." A father who sits side-by-side with his son while they both focus on a page of math problems or a Scout manual may have an easier time talking with his son.) When parents err, especially while operating in the outer parts of the circle where they don't overlap, father is more likely to be too harsh and mother is more likely to be too lenient. That is a consequence of their separate responsibilities, and is evidence of the need for both a mother and a father in the raising of children.

According to "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," the principles I have taught about teaching in the home apply to both parents, but they are especially crucial to the role of a mother. Fathers most often spend much of their day away from home in their employment. That is one of the many reasons so much of the responsibility for teaching the child in the home falls on mothers. While circumstances do vary and the ideal isn't always possible, I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. We see so many challenges today from distracting and destructive influences intended to mislead God's children. We are seeing many young people who lack the deep spiritual roots necessary to remain standing in faith as storms of unbelief and despair swirl around them. Too many of our Father in Heaven's children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is at once more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences.

I have long wanted to add "teach" under the word "nurture" in my circles, but that was not the way the Proclamation was worded, so I did not. (The word does appear once, but the role is not specifically assigned to mother.) Now, after 15 years, Elder Perry seems to have added it, if unofficially. Maybe we can pencil it in.

I would also add a third circle, above and joining the other two, to represent the Divine partnership to which Elder Perry next bears witness in his closing testimony.

God bless you wonderful mothers and fathers in Zion. He has entrusted to your care His eternal children. As parents we partner, even join, with God in bringing to pass His work and glory among His children. It is our sacred duty to do our very best. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

From Grampa Bill's General Authority Pages

Elder Perry's son Lee said, "My father is a man who believes in involving his family in his many-faceted activities. My mother has been his favorite typist and proofreader for years. In addition, she had read from the scriptures and Church magazines and other articles of interest into a tape recorder so that he could use his driving time profitably. My sisters and I have done everything from running a mimeograph machine to correcting his grammar and spelling in his talks. By involving everyone, my father has made his callings and assignments a family affair, and this has molded us into a closeknit family, willing to share and sacrifice for the pleasures derived from working together."

His daughter, Barbara, reported that she had a school assignment to "make an outline of the story The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I had no idea how to make an outline. My father came up to say goodnight and found me crying. He told me not to worry and said he would help me in the morning. When I got up the next morning I found a sample outline on my desk."

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